Social Consciousness

All posts by Donna

This Crazy Thing Called Love

What is love?
Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person 

The ancient Greeks called love “the madness of the gods.” Modern psychologists define it as the strong desire for emotional union with another person. And Beyonce sang that love will have you looking crazy!! But what, actually, is love. It means so many different things to different people and there are various types of love. There is romantic love, love for your family and friends, and love for things. But for the sake of this Editor’s post, let’s explore the romantic type love. Why? Because I am in love and it is the most terrible, beautiful thing I have ever experienced. As a rule, I don’t like feeling vulnerable or over-emotional but love doesn’t really care what you like to feel. Love follows the dictates of your heart. It is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone.

It’s actually funny to me. The first time I met my fiancé Darris, he was 16 years old and I was 18 and married to someone else. I knew there was something special about him but I was in my first marriage. And as a rule I never cheat, so I put him in the category of funny kid brother. He was actually my sister’s husband’s brother. Throughout the years he would torment me with little brother type antics. I always just thought he was being ‘extra’ but he later confessed that he was trying to get my attention. Sometimes the love can be true but the timing all wrong. This was that time. I was married and had a child, my son Davion.

Fast forward a few years, three to be exact. I’m visiting my sister Tonya. She tells me that her mother-in-law has passed and Darris comes over looking so dejected and lost. I didn’t know then but I surely do know now how losing a mother truly feels. Let me confess right here, I don’t take death very well. Never have and never will. It’s one of life’s truths and I have come to accept it about myself; as I am becoming. But I wanted to ease some of his pain so I let him unburden himself to me. Because I cared about him. Because he was still my goofy kid brother-in-law. Because I am an empath. However, somewhere during our talks the dynamics changed. To be honest, I cannot remember the specific words but I remember getting up to get something from my sister’s fridge. Turning around and he was right behind me. Do you know that moment in romantic love movies where the hero grabs the girl and lays a passionate kiss on her? Well, that happened to me. And it was the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling I ever had.

I have to admit, I tried to play it cool. I figured he was just super emotional because of his mom’s passing. And people always unburden themselves to me because I am an empath. So at first, I tried not to take it too seriously. Tried being the operative word. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it and he kept coming over day after day. There are a two major reasons I tried not to take it too seriously. Number One: he was/is younger than me. I had never dated guys younger than me! Number Two: he was my sister’s kid brother-in-law. And I still saw him that way; in a way. But I couldn’t deny the KISS. I didn’t know what to do or say! So I went back to Washington,DC; words between us were left unspoken.

Misinformation clouded my judgement and we lost touch. We went on with our lives. I divorced and re-married. Had more kids. So did he. But I always thought about him, and he; me. You know, every now and then, I would ask my sister about him. He would ask his brother about me. But the timing was still all wrong. I divorced my then current husband and move to NC to start life anew. I made a Facebook account and happen to see his sister’s profile. And while that is happening, he has sent me a message on Messenger but I didn’t see it for a few weeks because we were not FB friends. It was a ‘Message Request’ from Lajaune Jackson. He had messaged me! So I sent my number and he called me. I have to admit I was nervous. But we actually chatted like best buddies. I told him about my mom’s passing and he consoled me. We danced around the elephant in the room for awhile. A few months to be exact. But he was the one to finally ask me. And I faced and told the truth. Because tomorrow’s never promised and I had wasted too much time on other things.

I decided to stop caring about other people’s opinion of how I lived my life. I decided to give this love a chance. There were a few obstacles. He lived in NYC. I lived in NC. So we did the long-distance thang for a few months. But that didn’t last because when you’re in love, you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life feels incomplete. So he finally made the move and came bearing a ring. Not just any ring, either. But a ring with my mom’s birthstone as the main stone; a sapphire stone. Because he listened and remembered.

Love is an incredibly powerful word and emotion. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims. It is not all champagne and roses, though. That is the one thing romance novels tend to leave out. The day to day things. The not so rosy things. I couldn’t hide the dark pieces of myself because we are so alike, neither could he. To win love you need to be able to reveal your imperfections. We had difficulties and challenges but the love remained the same. We both have tempers. I don’t know whose is worse. But we are trusting our guts more and allowing our mistakes to help us grow. We are becoming, too.

Here are some famous and not so famous love quotes to help express the meaning of love.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: 
That word is love.”
Sophocles

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.”
Anonymous

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”
Helen Keller

To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.”
T. Tolis

I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.”
Angelita Lim

It took me this long to find my real true love and I’m never going to let you go
Darris Anderson

Love is wanting to see another person happy. Wanting what’s best for them and putting your faith in them
Chardonnay Polson

Love is everything
Asira Cobb

Love is the little jump your heart does when you see the one you love…the butterflies in your stomach type of love
Donna Cobb

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians Chapter 13 vs. 4-8

How is your beloved better than others,
 most beautiful of women?
 How is your beloved better than others,
 that you so charge us?
My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
 outstanding among ten thousand.
His head is purest gold;
 his hair is wavy
 and black as a raven.
His eyes are like doves
 by the water-streams,
 washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
His cheeks are like beds of spice
 yielding perfume.
 His lips are like lilies
 dripping with myrrh.
His arms are rods of gold
 set with topaz.
 His body is like polished ivory
 decorated with lapis lazuli.
His legs are pillars of marble
 set on bases of pure gold.
 His appearance is like Lebanon,
 choice as its cedars.
His mouth is sweetness itself;
 he is altogether lovely.
 This is my beloved, this is my friend
Song of Songs Chapter 5 vs 9-16

 

Peace and Blessings,

Donna 

 

Let all that you do be done in LOVE

1 Corinthians 16:14

 

Disclaimer:
This blog is used to inform and uplift the human spirit. Therefore there will be only positive interactions. There will be NO: cursing, shaming, or using God’s Word to make others feel bad about themselves or their circumstances. We have to love God and each other. It is His commandment to us! 

Matthew 22:37-39 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Music: ‘So In Love” by Plex

I Am Becoming…

A part of me is somewhat glad that ole 45 is president. I know that ’s a pretty shocking comment (especially coming from me). I’m glad he is president because now we have to acknowledge racism in America. I’m also glad that we had people use their smartphones to record police brutality because now we have a clear picture of blatant discrimination and police criminal activities. For the record, I don’t hate anyone because of their race. I hate racist people though. Whether they are black, white, blue or pink. I also hate pedophiles and people who abuse the elderly, women, or children. And yes, I know I’m a Christian and we are not supposed to hate ANYONE. But I have learned to accept myself exactly how I am and to still reach toward who I want to be. Why? Because I am BECOMING. I am not who I was before. My mother’s death changed me. My disability changed me.

At first it was extremely hard, I did not know how I could exist in a world that my mom was no longer a part of. People were leaning on me for support but I had no one to lean on. And the people who I was closest to before are people I barely talk to now. If we do talk, it’s like we are not even family anymore. It’s like I’m talking to a stranger. I was always there for the people I loved so I assumed they would be there for me. But as we know, what do we do when we assume? We make an ass out of you and me. I became very depressed and had to talk to a professional. I had to because I couldn’t do it alone. Let me explain. I had a car accident in November(totaled my new car) while driving in Durham with my oldest daughter Chardonnay and my oldest grandson Garrick. My mom dies the next month. Then the following month I get up to walk but cannot. My older daughter moves in to help me. I can no longer work at my job. Everyone thinks Im lying about my disability but then has to recant after the MRI results come in. No cartilage in my left knee it says, where it went nobody knows. So I can’t walk, can’t work and have to rely on Chardonnay to help me. She has her own challenges, one being my grandson Garrick who is autistic. And she also has a toddler my grandson Dakota. She helps as much as she can but the inevitable happens because we are so much alike. We clash, she moves out. And now I have to fend for myself and my youngest Asira. The people I once helped are no where to be seen. I had therapy sessions and physical therapy appointments and steroid shots in my knee on a regular basis. I became withdrawn and slightly reclusive. And the constant pain I am in has caused my blood pressure to rise which in turn messes up my heart condition. Fun times! It’s a weird thing to one day not be able to walk like you used to. So many things you took for granted you no longer do. What used to take me a few hours to do I now spread it out over a few days. And to make matters worse I am constantly being told I don’t look like there is anything wrong with me. I had an employee of a supermarket jokingly tell me to stop pretending as I used a motorized wheel chair.

Trying to get a job in the field I once worked in was extremely hard in NC. I had to take all these tests just to try to get a job as a receptionist. Let’s be clear. Tests to see if I can answer a phone properly. My job history is this: I was an assistant executive director, a property manager, an office manager, a help desk technician, an admissions coordinator, a telemarketer and a receptionist but I needed to be tested to answer a phone. I am degreed but I needed to be tested to answer a phone. And to be tested on the duties I would not even need to do. North Carolina has no shortage on blue collar, labor intensive jobs but if you are from the North and are looking for a white collar job, that’s a totally different story. This is my opinion and my reality. The majority of the white collar jobs were occupied by white southern people. So I decided to leave the state of North Carolina because I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.” – Dr. Angela Davis.

What are the things I cannot accept? I cannot accept living and paying taxes in a state that practices job discrimination. I cannot accept having to depend on others for my financial needs or any needs for that matter. I cannot accept working for companies that do not care about their employees. I cannot accept pretending to have a relationship with family just to not hurt their feelings. I cannot accept pretending that the world is not morally decrepit and is still practicing systemic racism. I cannot accept not being financially independent for me and my children’s(and grandchildren) sake. So if I seem different to everyone, it’s because I am. No one who experiences traumatic life events remains unchanged. If someone you love dies suddenly, it will change you. If you have a change in ability, it will change you. The world was bright and sunny before but now I have to fight to see that. The way I try to stay true to who I was, who I am and are becoming is this. I have to accept that not everyone is the same, everything worth value takes time, and I still have happiness in my life because I have my children, grandchildren and the people who truly love me. So I’m also glad I have these difficulties because it’s showing me who I am (becoming).

Peace and Blessings,

Donna 

 

“If you wish to move mountains tomorrow, you must start by lifting stones today”

African Proverb

 

Disclaimer:
This blog is used to inform and uplift the human spirit. Therefore there will be only positive interactions. There will be NO: cursing, shaming, or using God’s Word to make others feel bad about themselves or their circumstances. We have to love God and each other. It is His commandment to us! 

Matthew 22:37-39 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Music: ‘As long as we remember’ by Grégoire Lourme

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